Christmas and Pajamas

It’s a known fucking fact that Christmas is the BEST time of the year. It's a time when billions of Christian families come together, share laughs and love, and celebrate what truly matters. PRESENTS!!! I love presents so much I pop like eighteen boners just thinking about them. I just popped like five boners writing that sentence. But I'm not exactly sure why Christmas is on December 25; it must be the day some guy invented presents. Everyone agrees that Christmas and presents are a perfect combination, but I’m not here to point out the obvious to you because you guys are smarty pants. I’m about to discuss a holiday combination that everyone does but so few truly acknowledge. I’m talking about Christmas and pajamas.

Opening presents on Christmas day is absolutely nothing without a super duper cool pair of pajamas. You need to be in the prime state of comfort when you open your presents or else you will be missing something. Something I'd like to call soul because your pajamas give you the strength you need to bite through that ribbon, rip off that paper, and spend hours trying to get through the plastic covering on your toy. How else can you dance wacky wild when you get a new Crash Bandicoot game? You can't jump around in excitement wearing some tight ass clothing or businessman shit. Your pajamas act as a second skin layer that are flexible enough to withstand any movement and comfy enough to please your genitals. Pajamas are also the only articles of clothing that you actually like to get for a present on Christmas, especially camo pajamas. Just check the history books and you'll see that nobody has ever gone a Christmas without their pajamas. Even Thomas Edison went ape shit for wearing his light bulb pajamas on Christmas.

Just imagine yourself waking up early in the mourning on Christmas day, early of course because your presents might dissolve if not opened soon, pushing over your covers and looking down at your fuzzy, warm pajamas snug fit on your impatient skin. Then you jump off your bed and after peeing for like two minutes you slip and slide your way to your gifts. This is true happiness at it's finest, but your happiness does vary depending on what kind of pajamas you have. You're a god if you wear footy pajamas because those babies keep you crazy snug and also protect you from anything, even Spiderclaw. If you've never met Spiderclaw before your lucky as hell; It's 50% spider, 50% claw, and 100% a scary ass monster under my bed. I've actually never seen Spiderclaw but Raptor told me all about how scary it is. The second best pajamas to wear would have to be the ones made out of silk because nothing feels better on your wangerdoodle then silky silk. After that I'd say very old pajamas would be the next best because the older they are the closest they get to feeling like silk and that means they still feel good on your wangerdoodle. You'd think regular cotton pajamas would be next but what comes before that would have to be camo pajamas. They are cotton but because I include the cool factor in everything I decided to separate camo cotton pajamas from other cotton pajamas. You could totally feel like you're actually in the army with your camo so they should be different. Cotton pajamas are still wiggidy wack cool but if you want to experience Christmas with all sorts of bliss you need to get yourself some pajamas that can make your wangerdoodle sing a beautiful song.